"And I said, Here am I, send me."

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Oct 14 2012

Sunday Stomach Aches

If I could tell 1st year Corps Members anything, it’s that the 2nd year is so much easier. Even on my hardest days, I am 100 times more prepared and able than ANY day my first year.

But the one thing that has never gone away are Sunday Stomach Aches. The nerves of getting ready for the week. The anxiety of anticipating what issues my kids will be bringing with them into school on Monday. The pressure of having all my plans posted, performing for observations, performing for my students (so that whatever little I can try and move them academically they will), maintaining grades, meeting deadlines. And most of all, the reminder that I love teaching, love my students, but that I do not want to be an elementary teacher. And tomorrow I have to wake up for the next 5 days and fight through, and literally dread, doing a job that isn’t my passion.

Black October is already almost halfway over. This season is hard for teachers. I can’t lie and say it’s been easy. But at the end of each day my mind is able to find a peace within itself because the people in my life right now have been fighting so hard for me. They encourage me, pray for me, believe in me, and fight for me daily. I’m the luckiest person on the planet. Even though right now, it’s Sunday, I’m dreading tomorrow, and I want more than anything to not plan, I know it’s going to be okay because of these people. This past year and a half (and going to be two years) is still unlike anything I would have ever thought. But I would never take back the challenges and battles I’m facing right now because of the simple fact of how much its molding me as a human being.

And because even the days I feel like my kids make me want to pull my hair out, I love them.

Thanksgiving is next month, but right now is when I feel most thankful. To all the people fighting for me – I seriously couldn’t do this without you.


Thank you.

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