"And I said, Here am I, send me."

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
May 14 2012

It’s almost over.

I can’t believe in 6 and 1/2 days I will be done with my first year of teaching. I feel like I have wondered/longed/feared/doubted/anxiously awaited this day. Pretty much any adjective you can put in is how I feel.

There is still a lot that has to be done. Involving and not involving my students. I finished DRA testing last week. It was very 50/50. I saw some great growth and I saw some students make no gains at all. My goal for next year is to be a better reading teacher.

This week my students have to take the Math Summative. As I have prepared this exam I have felt more nerves than comfort unfortunately. I mostly am doubting the results because my students struggle with retaining more than anything. Therefore, any type of comprehensive exam is rough. Beyond my students, I have all types of things due for District and TFA: report cards, assessments, summatives, trackers, closing files, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, and MORE paperwork. Even with all that to the side, I still have to teach and plan for the next 6 days.

There are 2 things I feel like I’ve reflected on most the past few weeks. One is a cause and the other is the effect. The one thing I feel I have learned, accepted, and am still currently learning at the present moment is the INSANELY high demand I’m being asked of daily. Whether it’s at school, for TFA, or for grad school. I remember learning back in October how abnormal this type of life is. I’m re-learning it now. I appreciate the effect because the LORD has taught me so much. I have never felt more humbled and calm. I don’t mean that I don’t have weeks of feeling overwhelmed, that Sunday dread has gone away, or even morning stomach aches. But I am appreciating the deep sense of need and reliance the LORD has made me have for Him.  I am learning how live in the present moment and that the LORD is always listening to my heart. I’m thankful for that.

In other news, my students and I went our college visit to the University of Kansas a few weeks back. Amazing would be the biggest understatement in the world. But I have no words to describe the things my students said to me that day and the expressions on their faces. By far the best decision I have made all year was taking them on the visit. It truly opened their eyes.

However, I forgot that things wouldn’t change over night. I went back to school the next day and it was frustrating seeing the same little problems occur again. I was SURE that absolutely every issue would go away after such an amazing opportunity. There again was another humbling moment that the LORD reminded me, character and mindsets take time.

This is getting a little long and I’m not a huge fan of lengthy blog posts. I was going to post some of the most humorous quotes my students have said lately. But I’ll save it for a later date.

Here’s to the last full week of school….holy cow.

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