Yesterday was the first time since my commitment that I realized, for some of my kids, school truly is the safest place to be for them.

I always heard it from a lot of people and I think I just chose to agree with the statement, then move on with my life.

I also learned for the first time how serious these kids take trust. As well as, how much I am earning their trust (when I thought I wasn’t gaining any).

There is a girl, who is probably the kid I have the best relationship with, who technically isn’t in my class. But ever since we combined classes, I basically consider her my student and she considers me her teacher. Through an incident earlier in the week, it was a cue to me that she is going through a lot in her life that I was somewhat blind to before.

Then on Friday, there was an incident between her and a male student in my class. I sent her to a buddy room just so she could cool off for about 20 minutes. When I went to get her I planned on just letting her sit with me while I graded papers so she could share her heart with me and let me know how I could help her.

Then.

I sat there and listened to some of the most horrific, degrading, unfair, sickening stories that I have ever heard in my life that this kid is going through. My heart and mind has never been in such a shock.

And now, because of a series of incidents that had to follow that conversation, I am so scared of what’s going to happen, even though I had to do what I am required to do as a teacher and keep my students safe.

I love my kids so much. I want to protect them. Since 4:00 pm yesterday when my kids, specifically this girl, left school, I have felt so unstable for the sake of them. All I could do and can do is pray.

I’m trying to teach them. I hope they learn. But Friday reminded me, that more than anything my school and my classroom must ALWAYS be a safe place for them. And I have to do WHATEVER it takes to keep it that way.